The Friend who offended me
It wasn’t the first time her and I didn’t share the same opinion, but it sure wasn’t an issue or perhaps I didn’t let it become one. I remember I reached out to her as usual, I invited her to go kayaking with me, we used to do anything that would keep us busy and active during the summer. Sometimes we would just stay at my house and cook and share some stories about whatever, life, family and friends situations because I personally think (not always but sometimes) sharing life experiences or situations with a friend can be very therapeutic, at least for me makes feel better knowing others care about my feelings and things I’m going through. That afternoon we went kayaking to a lake not too far from my house, we arrived at the lake, and everything was normal I didn’t get the impression she was in a mood or anything! I mean in certain occasions I don’t agree with the way she approaches life and her beliefs, but throughout the course of our friendship if I have a different opinion, I didn’t feel the need to share or make any comments since it’s not my intention to change her mind or anyone else’s. However, we went on kayaking and started talking about life, she shared some recent vacations she had been on, how she went to the Bahamas and how beautiful everything was there. After a while she suggested we get going so that we could head back to my house and cook. I said OK, I mean I never mentioned anything about cooking, but it was not an usual thing we would do. As we get back in my car I asked her if she likes tofu? To which she answers OH NO I THINK IT HAS NO TASTE AND IT IS GROSS! I said to her oh well, I have it all the time at work AND I LOVE IT! She then proceeds to give me a full explanation as to why I shouldn’t eat it and that it was bad for me. I said I DONT BELIEVE THAT, to my opinion she seemed to catch an attitude Immediately and responded WELL IM TELLING YOU BECAUSE I KNOW, BUT YOU CAN DO WHATEVER YOU WANT. I didn’t quite appreciate her response but didn’t say anything back because I got the impression it was going to become a verbal argument. I honestly asked about tofu because I didn’t have much food at home and needed to know if I had to stop for groceries. When we got back to my house, she said she was leaving because she was tired, I didn’t quite understand because 10 minutes before she was fine and wanted to cook. But hey, it was okay because deep inside me I wanted her to leave! She switched to a negative mood and I honestly didn’t want to be around her (it was silly just because I have a different opinion).
You know when you have an interaction with someone and things don’t go well, or they say something to you and at the moment you don’t give it too much though?. Well that was me, it didn’t bother me until I thought about it afterward, especially because I personally think she’s the type of person that it’s better not to engage in a conversation with or just be quiet when you don’t agree. If you opinion is different from hers she would argument about it (that’s just my personal opinion, doesn’t mean I’m right). So for the past few years if I didn’t I agree with her I would just say OH OK, I never really approached her friendship as a battle of who is more knowledgeable, or who’s smartest. That is not what friendships are about or at least it’s what I think!
Next morning, I wake up and that was the first thing that was on my mind, I didn’t like the thought of waking up and having that on my mind first thing in the morning! Especially because I thought it was a silly thing to get into an argument about something so insignificant. So I proceeded to reach out to her through text message, I expressed I didn’t like the way she responded to me , I had a different opinion but there was no need for the attitude or a disrespectful response, according to her ,she was fine, I don’t believe that to be true and I know it wasn’t, otherwise we wouldn’t be discussing it. I don’t consider myself as difficult person, I do have my moments like everyone else on earth, but I can read body language. I found it funny that she acknowledged that THE ENERGY CHANGED, I WONDERED TO MYSELF , WHAT DOES SHE MEAN BY ENERGY? IT’S YOU AND I, FORGET ABOUT THE REST AND ADMIT YOUR CONTRIBUTION TO THIS MATTER, IT WASN’T JUST ME THERE. Short story I expressed my frustration to which I personally think she disregarded and started to bring stuff from the past on how she feels like every time we are having a conversation, I always shut her down and don’t let her explain herself about anything. I looked back and thought to myself about a time she came over my house and started to tell me in how I should have never got the Covid-19 vaccination because it wasn’t safe. I had posted on my Facebook page “I JUST GOT THE COVID 19 VACCINE AND IM FEELING GREAT”, I mean I know that there were a lot of people unsure about what to do when it came to the vaccine, but it wasn’t like I was going around tell people to get it or not! I understood that was a very personal decision and it was not my place TO ADVISE ANYONE ON THAT REGARD. I did share my thoughts with her about the vaccine, but never did I try to convince her about anything. I explained to her why I decided to get vaccinated and she shook her head saying no! She pulled out her cellphone with what she claimed to be accurate information about covid and the vaccine, I don’t recall seeing her typing on her phone, it was almost like she knew this interaction was going to happen and had her research ready! I didn’t feel the need to argue about it and proceeded to explain that we all take our risk in life! When you are driving to work that is a risk, you don’t know if you are getting into an accident or when you go out for a walk life happens to be unpredictable. If I go around worrying about the decisions others are making for themselves, I’m never going to get to define my purpose, so if I die because I got the vaccine that’s a risk I have to take. I personally think she got upset because I literally ended the conversation. I wasn’t up for a little bible study if that makes sense! She also mentioned she felt like I never listen. In fact it was more like I didn’t agree with her opinion and was different from mine so it wouldn’t become a dysfunctional friendship. The whole interaction over text/voice message took a different turn, it was almost like we have forgotten what we were trying to resolve, or at least I was. She explained to me if she knew I was making wrong decisions she was going to approach me about it because she was my friend and she cares about me, said that she was not going to change who she was that’s her GOD GIVEN RIGHT. I had to go in for work I couldn’t continue this conversation , especially because she had forgotten it was the way she responded to me I didn’t like , also she never say oh I’m sorry you feel that way, which would have indicated she appreciated our friendship regardless of her beliefs. and that she cares about my feelings.
She hoped we can just move on from this episode, but there was never a resolution. I do not know exactly how to process all of this, especially because to my understanding she was just hoping I would just forget about it and move forward like it never happened. I have strong beliefs on how how to handle this type of situation. I don’t just forget like it didn’t happen, IT DID HAPPEN AND IT BROUGHT ME SOME SORT EMOTIONAL DISCOMFORT. RESOLUTION NEEDS TO BE FOUND, THEREFORE WE NEED TO TALK IT ALL OUT AND IF AN APOLOGY NEEDS TO TAKE PLACE THEN I WILL ISSUE AS MANY AS I HAVE TO. IN REALITY EVEN IF I FEEL I HAVE NOTHING TO APOLOGY FOR, I WILL DO IT, BECAUSE I UNDERSTAND WHAT IT LIKE TO BE PUT ON A PLACE OF EMOTIONAL DISCOMFORT AND AS A HUMAN BEING WHO CARES ABOUT OTHERS I DONT LIKE TO MAKE ANYONE FEE LIKE THEIR FEELINGS DONT MATTER, BECAUSE I KNOW THEY DO! I know many people like to think forgetting about things is the way out, but it certainly hasn’t been for me, I don’t find honesty or healthy resolution on forgetting what we should talk about. I guess this is the path she wanted to take (I’m not sure). The next time she research out to me was about a trip we were going to take and my response was IM NOT LONGER INTERESTED! Hoping to see a meaningful reaction which would show me she values our friendship, but this wasn’t the case, she didn’t respond back. I did not hear from her for about five to six months. I did not give it much thought, because it was the summer, so I was busy with other things. I did end up reaching out to her some time December 2023 just because one day I was feeling extremely good , I always try to be at peace with everyone I don’t consider I have enemies, and this certainly wasn’t going to be the case! I needed to know what was going through her mind, how we left things. Despite the whole tofu /covid disagreement I always valued her friendship, and honor the time we shared together. If it came down to me reaching out again even after the way she made me feel, I did not care. I understood maybe she didn’t mean to (I don’t know), I tried to approach this situation with compassion hoping she would understand where I’m coming from. We all have hurt people we love at some point in our lives. I know a lot of people may be like “Oh just forget about it, and move forward” but it is easier said than done, especially when nobody knows what you are trying to accomplish in life.
When I finally got ahold of her, she didn’t know who was calling because she had deleted my number. Perhaps because she understood that I didn’t want to be friends anymore when I stated “IM NO LONGER INTERESTED” which is completely understandable. If I wasn’t where I am today, I probably would have though the same. She says to me straight up she never heard from me again, she was just giving me my space, and that she was not going to change who she is, which I didn’t quite understand. I never mentioned anything about changing as a person or anything relative to that. I simply said I did not like the way you spoke to me! This last conversation I was under the impression she had no intentions of apologizing (but that’s just me thought, doesn’t mean I’m right). I told her I was just expressing how I felt, but her tone of voice was indicating to me she was done with our friendship, which I’m ok with. Every single one of us has the right to make whatever decision enrich our lives for the best, it doesn’t matter if others do not understand. I left it at that I told her if she wanted to sit and have a some coffee we can WORK IT OUT FIND RESOLUTION AND MOVE FORWARD ON A HEALTHY WAY, it seems to me she has an busy agenda and will get to me sometime next year meaning 2024, because the last we spoke was December 2023.
I’m not really sure if her and I will ever sit down and have that cup of coffee, but I sure know I will continue to improve myself in every aspect of my life. I’m continuing down the path of healing from previous trauma, I think I am doing an amazing job and anyone who hurt me in the past has a friend on me (I’m not perfect I hurt people in the past and I too want to be forgiven), I look at life with eyes of compassion, I don’t know what others are going through, I don’t feel like I need to know to understand this. I know where I come from, as well as I know it’s not easy to heal from the past. It takes a lot to even recognize when we are in the wrong path, therefore I ask the universe to keep illuminating my life and to help to me be there for others when I’m needed. I want to continue life with a pure heart and undivided, always understanding that while I’m improving myself I will continue to experience all of the emotions that bring discomfort to my life and rather than seeing those as an inconvenience see it as an new opportunity of growth. Life has taught me so much and I understand that when others have hurt you there’s a way of healing while they are doing their own thing.
Love and peace be with you today and always.
Love Jonathan De Jesus.
